Coscarelli (1982-1988)

1982 - The Beastmaster - Never really congealed into a solid universe for me. There seemed to be a lot of Marc Singer running around barren landscapes and inside of pyramids. And, unfortunately, the stunt fighting was pretty bad. The mix of Celtic, Greek and Mayan mythology was unique, however. I can't figure out why they painted a tiger black?

1988 - Phantasm II - All you need is a 70s muscle car and a trunk full of weapons. Coscarelli leaps forward as a director; he's far more confident with his camera than he was before this. Reggie Bannister establishes himself as one of the (sadly, seldom recognized) gods of the horror hero pantheon. P2 is in the top tier of 80s horror movies and one of my favorite post-apocalyptic films.

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Coscarelli (1975-1978)

1975 - Jim the World's Greatest - I don't know the history behind this film; it's hard to say how much Coscarelli versus how much Craig Mitchell is in the direction. However, Coscarelli's warmth towards both childhood and brotherly love seems to have gotten started right here. With the possible exception of the drunken father, the characterization in this film was surprisingly deep. Because of this, Kelly's death had an appropriately weighty impact. The hopeful ending, though, isn't quite; instead, it comes off a bit strange. I just wish I had a better copy of this rare movie.

1976 - Kenny & Company - Pretty much every cool / stupid / embarrassing thing you ever did as a kid rolled into one movie. Despite being their age 10 years later in history, I still saw my own childhood reflected. It's easy to see why many folks have such fond memories of this movie and why Anchor Bay released such an obscure flick. Structurally, I can see some of the free-flowing narrative of Phantasm in here as well.

1978 - Phantasm - A gem of a horror movie. From the sentinels to the blind psychic to the Lady in Lavender to the gate to the yellow-goop-for-blood to the Hemi to the Tall Man to the ice cream man to the hammer & bullet trick to the surreal construction, everything about this film is special. Phantasm, outside of David Lynch, is the closed film I've seen to a nightmare. And, indeed, it is - or may be - just Mike's nightmare. Like all good films, this is open for interpretation. This is also the final chapter in Coscarelli's exploration of childhood (at least, I suppose, until P3).

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Coscarelli (opening thoughts)

Chronocinethon? Made up word. It means I watch all of someone's films in chronological order. It allows me to marvel at their growth over the years... or lack thereof.

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Barker (closing thoughts)

And that's the extent of Clive Barker's directorial endeavors. I'm not sure what the current status of Tortured Souls is, but I'd heard Universal had dumped it. What I'd wish, in general, is that Barker'd forget about major studios for his next film. I'd love to see him approach his next with the amount of wild freedom seen in The Forbidden. A story like Tortured Souls could really use that.

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Barker (1990-1995)

1990 - Nightbreed - Tasty, but lacking flesh. It's too bad Barker hasn't found the missing footage in order to construct the long-awaited director's cut of this film. As it is, themes and plotlines fly by a little too fast. Decker's obsession with destroying breeders of all sorts, the 'breed prophecy, and, especially, the 'breed themselves are all given too little screen time. However, Peloquin's still one of my all-time favorite movie characters.

1995 - Lord of Illusions - Slightly better than average. In the end, Harry vanquishes the evil, as expected, and gets the girl, as expected; there really wasn't much Barker flavor in the film. The closest we got to Cenobites or Tribes of Moon in Lord of Illusions was probably Nix's binding mask. The movie would've been more interesting, I think, if Harry's noir factor had been kicked up several notches.

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Barker (1973-1987)

1973 - Salomé - I probably should've re-read the play first; that would've made this a lot easier to follow. As such, there were a number a nice moments in the films: Barker's experimentation with light and shadow and Salomé's surreal dance were particularly memorable. Though made be people of the same age, this short's a step above the typical experimental crap one finds at college film fests.

1978 - The Forbidden - The Hellbound Heart's daddy and Hellraiser's grandpappy. I was a bit reminded of Begotten by this film, both by the tortured looks of the prints themselves and by their mythological content. The Forbidden, however, is far more watchable. It would be interesting to see how Hellraiser would've turned out had Barker felt as unrestrained making it as he did making this. Barker was, perhaps, a little too fascinated with his grid-n-nail board, but otherwise made a solid, silent, surreal little film.

1987 - Hellraiser - Once-upon-a-time, I ran a fanpage for this movie. I hadn't seen this in a number of years after ceasing my webmastering work. Watching it again today was like seeing it with new eyes. The flaws were more apparent than ever: the awkward exposition when Larry and Julia first examine the house, the rubbery puppet looks of the Engineer and skeletal dragon, the cheap way in which the Cenobites are dispatched at the end. But, the strengths and details were also clearer: Barker's excellent use of light and sound, Andrew Robinson's eyes changing from blue to brown when he becomes Frank, the unexplained -- and thus, more fun -- mystery of the Cenobites. To this day, still a breath of fresh air in a genre usually populated by unkillable killers, nightmare bogeymen and cannibal families.

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Barker (opening thoughts)

What the hell's a "chronocinethon"? It's where I watch all of someone's films in chronological order. It allows me to marvel at their growth over the years... or lack thereof. Clive Barker has directed only a handful, but his films will be fun for a couple of weekends.

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Verhoeven (closing thoughts)

And that's it for Mr. Verhoeven. Verhoeven's a pretty off-an-on director; sometimes he fails and sometimes he knocks it out of the park. Still, I'll always be excited to see any new work he creates. The man has his own style and point of view. And, dammit, I like sex and violence.

Best Dutch film: Turks Fruit. Best American film: Robocop.
Worst Dutch film: Wat Zien Ik. Worst American film: Showgirls.

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Verhoeven (1997-2000)

1997 - Starship Troopers - A great sci-fi flick with non-stop action. I know Verhoeven intended this as a parody of fascism, but the popcorn spectacle of the film obscures most of this (other than the obvious FedNet spots). It's certainly more fun, anyway, to watch the movie cheering for Rico and company, rather than lamenting the young people's decision to voluntarily step into the state's meat grinder.

2000 - Hollow Man - Perfect invisible special effects grafted to a mediocre story. The basis of the idea is solid: when you know you cannot be seen, your morality can turn invisible as well. It worked best in the original Invisible Man movie. Here, it only leads to a slasher movie-style ending in which a group of people are picked off one by one by a monster. I wish Verhoeven had made Fade by Cormier instead.

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Verhoeven (1992-1995)

1992 - Basic Instinct - Verhoeven channels Hitchcock through his own, particular filter of violence and wild sex. As in Flesh + Blood, Verhoeven presents us with characters who are flawed and gray-shaded. Sharon Stone does a damned fine job as Catherine and appears to lose herself in the roll. The thrice-repeated jumps at the end, where Catherine looks as though she's going to stab Nick, threatened to take the film into bad horror movie territory. For the most part, a well-constructed and satisfying movie.

1995 - Showgirls - Very nearly, but not quite, in the "so bad it's good" category. Chop out 30 minutes of the movie so that it's an easy-to-digest 90 minutes long and this would be gold on the midnight movie circuit. Despite it's Razzie-winning reputation, I had fun with this film. I enjoyed the campiness, the bright colors, the bizarre lines ("At least people aren't cumming on you anymore."), the cat fighting and the strange fascination with fingernails and potato chips. Hell, even the 5.1 mix sounded great for songs.

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Verhoeven (1987-1990)

1987 - Robocop - Best revamp of Frankenstein since 1931? Like Verhoeven's second Dutch movie, his second Hollywood movie explodes with intensity. Fittingly, the sexual intensity of the European movie has been replaced with intense violence in the American film. Humanity, greed, privatization, technology-gone-wild: Robocop, like any great sci-fi movie, covers a lot serious ground behind a whiz-bang shell.

1990 - Total Recall - To this day, the best Mars movie out there. As well as being an excellent Schwarteneggar action flick and flirting with some interesting ideas about identity, the texture of this film is great. A giant tracer pulled out of a nose, a tri-breasted woman, annoying robot cabbies, Mars Today,... all are details that add to the experience. As I mentioned above, it's too bad scenes that take place before Quaid's visit to Recall destroy the potential ambiguity in the story. Interesting, for Matrix fans, that Quaid is offered and refuses "the red pill" so that he can stay in the dream.

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Verhoeven (1985)

1985 - Flesh + Blood - An un-Hollywood Middle Ages, filled with grime, violence and plague. A chopped up, plague-infested dog as a weapon… not something you see every day. I liked the moral ambiguity of everyone in the movie; there wasn't really a set of "good guys" and "bad guys." Even the almost-obvious pure "good guy" Steven kills women and children with the aforementioned plague dog. However, Verhoeven's shooting of the battle scenes didn't energize me. Those could've been done better, I think.

1985 - The Hitchhiker: "Last Scene" - An above-average episode of a horror anthology series. This is the closest to the horror genre Verhoeven's ever gotten, and he didn't do a bad job. Surreal and well-constructed, with a nicely spooky "psycho-in-a-mask-making-threatening-phone calls" character.

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Verhoeven (1980-1983)

1980 - Spetters - In a way, this is nouveau-Soldaat van Oranje, with modern life in Holland replacing WWII. Again, we follow a group of men (and women this time) whose experiences in life (rather than the war) separate them onto wildly different tracks. Standing up to the old man, buying a business instead of hopelessly racing bikes, and stopping whoring yourself out are all ways to grow up in this film. Mature, I suppose, but the bike racing and whoring were much more fun to watch.

1983 - De Vierde Man [The Fourth Man] - A sudden change in Verhoeven's style. Suddenly, he's talking about adults and using loads symbolic imagery. The film was a bit ham-handed with the symbolism; I don't need to be reminded with a flashback that the key Mary carried in the dream is the same as the one on Gerard's keychain. Still, it was fun to put the pieces together. I wish the satisfying open-ended "is he nuts or was it real" ending was used in Verhoeven's future Total Recall.

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Verhoeven (1977)

1977 - Soldaat van Oranje [Soldier of Orange] - Interesting to see WWII from the Dutch perspective. Despite its length and subject matter, the movie never reaches epic status. Similarly, it seems, the Netherlands's role in the war was the same. The film was also unique in that, though it follows a group of men like many war movies, all of the men trace very different paths through the war and none of them are ever shown in traditional, front-line combat. As far as Verhoeven's historical films go, this is an improvement over Keetje.

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Verhoeven (1975)

1975 - Keetje Tippel [Katie Tippel] - Sort of a more elaborate, period version of Wat Zien Ik. Both follow strong women living in Amsterdam as they navigate through and battle with a cruel culture. In other words, this is a step back for Verhoeven from the level of Turks Fruit. Keetje doesn't grow at all as a person; she just lucks her way from the (literal) gutter into the upper class. As such, I don't think the film has much of a point, other than the zinger at the end: "What you saw was all true!"

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