23 July 2006

Guest MST3K: 203

Jungle Goddess. Well, first, The Phantom Creeps. The short that feels as long as a feature length film. Bela Lugosi invents the explode on demand spider! For some reason he thinks this will be worth money to someone, and he has to fake his own death, or something. I lost interest. But it will be continued, thank goodness.

As for the movie, well, it's hard to much sympathy for white guys hunting for a plane wreck to collect a reward for a lost socialite, who seem to regard the natives a shoot on sight target practice. And then have the gall to say something like "What do you care about that native?" Imagine a "hero" of a modern day movie trying to get away with that line. Fortunately, Bob "shoot 'em all" is sentenced to death in eight days time. Unfortunately, rather than spending that time gruesomely torturing him, the natives allow him and his buddy Mike to escape with their Jungle Goddess. After Bob shoots another one of them, of course. Fortunately, one them manages to send a spear through his back as he struggles with Mike just as they reach their plane. Mike shows his gratitude by promptly shooting the native. This movie just simply didn't seem to like natives very much.

What this movie taught me: A plane can land and take off in a dense jungle with no landing strip. Why we bother building landing strips at all, I don't know.

Hey, I wanna play games with the Cosmic Universe too, but it just keeps ignoring me! The host segments started off strong. You simply can't go wrong with merging a power saw and a remote controlled car (unless you stand to close to it's path of destruction, of course.) The infomercial seemed to kinda drag on, so in that sense it was very true to its source material. The various "scopes" were cute, and I liked the mini scenes the robots carried out "You're the only man for me! " and "I am an amoebae." The segment with the white male British overlords was also good. They bring VD and a magic fire stick! And for the end, I have to say the Joel does make a very fetching white goddess.

3 Favorite Riffs

(During the Phantom Creeps, a big ugly robot with an odd looking head makes an appearance)
Hey, what's the big deal? It's just a big metal Richard Kiel [star of EEGAH!]

(Guy in Bar: I'll give you five minutes.
Insipid singer: For what?)
To start running.

(Angry natives run through the jungle"
Meanwhile, in an equally racist Tarzan movie across the way...