MST3K (206)

206 - Ring of Terror (w/ The Phantom Creeps, Chapter Three: Crashing Timbers) - Outside of, say, crap on YouTube, this has got to be the most inept horror film I've ever seen. I suppose if you have some kind of innate fear of corpses and a really, really good imagination, you might get something from this film. Else, you're looking at an overextended Twilight Zone episode set in another dimension in which college students look forty. And, no, the guys were not lying about the old age thing. George E. Mather, who played freshman college student Lewis, was actually 42-years-old when this movie was made.

I dunno, but maybe Joel should call his lawyer? I think he could squeeze a few bucks out of Will Ferrell for ripping off the "old school" concept. Then again, maybe Old School is just a loose remake of Ring of Terror? Uncredited remakes of old B-movies are one way modern Hollywood gets out of thinking of its own ideas. More on this subject when we get to 811.

So, was director Clark L. Paylow abused by an obese step-parent as a child? Geez, man, the pair were over-weight. We get it. Leave it alone, man.

One of the few solid laughs I got was during the introductory "show all of the character's faces for five seconds" scene. When they got to a geeky guy in tortoise shell glasses, they dub him Wormy and declare that he has "webbed armpits and an extra big toe." See, movie? That's how you make fun of people.

When Dr. F pulled out the post-movie Phantom Creeps, I really did start to feel like a guy trapped in an evil experiment. About the best thing I can say about this serial is that JatB's pronunciation of one of the director's names always got me to laugh (Beebe! Ford Beebe!). I'm glad we're rid of these things for a couple years. (5/10)

film d. Clark L. Paylow (1962)
short d. Ford Beebe & Saul A. Goodkind (1939)
mst d. Jim Mallon (3 Nov 1990)

[I'm selling some MST3K stuff on eBay this week, including the hard-to-find DVD for MST3K: The Movie. Check out my auctions if you're interested.]