MST3K (313)

313 - Earth vs the Spider (w/ Speech: Using Your Voice) - You know, this isn't a bad movie. I liked it. I think the special effects were great for the time. It's populated with classic characters like the crotchety sheriff, the egghead scientist, the dippy teen lovers and the forty-year-old high school musician. The only thing that doesn't fit is the title. Most of the Earth had no absolutely no idea that it was threatened by a spider. How about Anytown, USA vs the Spider?

You've gotta love B.I.G. for shamelessly promoting both The Amazing Colossal Man and Attack of the Puppet People in this movie. But, this is a huge, reality-bending continuity problem. If B.I.G. exists in the Earth vs Spider universe as a director, who directed this one in our universe? Or maybe someone else directed TACM and AotPP in the other universe? But if that's the case, why is B.I.G. promoting that other guy's movies? Good parallel universe relations? Or maybe Earth vs Spider is a documentary?

Earth vs Soup. Why soup? Cold War flavor. I love how Crow's mouth moves just a little and Joel and Servo read his writing. Also, I will gladly pay BBI royalties for the rights, because Bennigan T. Puffyranchers is the perfect name for a restaurant.

My favorite class of riffs is quickly becoming the "insensitive clod" riffs. Previously seen during the hospital scene in 309, we get plenty in this ep with Mike and the newly fatherless Carol. Mike runs into Carol on the street shortly after Carol's dad gets eaten by a spider. Servo-as-Mike: "J'here about your dad?" Mike hands Carol a present. Crow-as-Mike: "Something to remember your dad by." Mike and Carol explore the cave. Servo-as-Mike: "Boy, your dad sure picked a great cave to die in!"

I also laughed loudly when the paralyzed spider's leg knocks a glasses-wearing teacher to the ground and Crow remarks "On the floor, four-eyes!"

Joel: "No, Dr. Erhardt, no! So that's what happened to him." Spider Victim #2 did look a lot like Dr. E. Maybe too much like Dr. E. My theory is that this was the result of Dr. Forrester's most diabolical experiment ever. He somehow managed to beam Dr. E directly from 104 into not just 313, but the movie played during 313. That's the diabolicalest.

"Here's young George Patton, a patriot and into high-grade weed." (7/10)

film d. Bert I. Gordon (1958)
short d. Arthur H. Wolf (1950)
mst d. Jim Mallon (14 Sep 1991)