TTT: The Newlydeads (1988)

Few things are worse in a bad movie than when the runtime is too short to count as feature-length and the director has no idea what to do. In this case, the filmmakers decided to create five characters that had absolutely no connection to the plot and shoot scene after "comedic" scene with them. While the main characters are running around fighting a ghost-transvestite-zombie, we're constantly checking in on a drunk, Catholic priest (original!); a septuagenarian, deaf couple; and a dope-smoking punk couple. Worse, since the scenes were obviously filmed separately from the main movie, you know there's no hope of any of these annoying characters getting killed by the g-t-z. It's tedious knowing you're in the middle of scene that has no purpose other than padding. It's been a while since I've been this close to turning off a movie without finishing it (and I always finish movies).

Other than desperately trying to complete a feature-length flick, I think the filmmakers' other main goal was to get middle-aged star Jimmy Williams to kiss transvestite star Scott Kaske as many times as possible (NTTAWWT). Amusing to watch the first couple of times, sure, but after a while, it's safe to assume than any female Jimmy Williams' character encounters is really the g-t-z in disguise and you're left just watching in idiot fall for the same gag over and over.



d. Joseph Merhi