MST3K (TD95)

Turkey Day '95 - After two years of non-BBI-produced Turkey Day bumpers, we finally get the real deal. Wisely, the crew went back to the best Turkey Day ever -- '91 -- for their inspiration. Once again, Dr. F hosts a turkey dinner (due to some invitations sent out by Frank before he died). The guests this year are Pearl Forrester from 607, Jack Perkins from 310, Pitch from 521, Mr. B from 319, Michael Feinstein from 312, and Kitten With a Whip from 615. Crow also manages to make it down to Deep 13 to join the meal. Overall, a much better guest list than we saw in '91. I especially loved Jack hitting on Mr. B.

Interspersed between the bumpers, there are tons of short promotional bits created by BBI. These 10-second snips feature Trace, Kevin, Mike, Jim and others from the company hawking various MST3K products or talking about their feelings on the current episode in the marathon. It's some fun behind-the-scenes stuff. In these, there's the only glimpse of the lost short Mylar: What is it to You? that was to be included on the canceled CD-ROM. These bits also pump up the not-yet-released movie, the upcoming second convention, MST Hour and the episode guide book. I have a feeling all of this time spent on promotion was a part of the deal they made with Comedy Central in order to produce the bumpers this year.

The selection of episodes in the marathon -- though the fewest of any of the Turkey Days -- was excellent. Other than the awful The Skydivers, every choice is a winner:

23 Nov 1995
09:00 106 - The Crawling Hand
11:30 424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate
13:30 512 - Mitchell
15:30 519 - Outlaw
17:30 609 - The Skydivers
19:30 612 - The Starfighters
21:30 Poopie Parade of Values
22:00 701 - Night of the Blood Beast

Goodbye, Turkey Day. Though I didn't sit through all of the episodes in the marathons, I've always enjoyed the bumpers that came in between. They show the warmth and fun of the show... and they were a good excuse for me to pig-out on delivery food. It's hard to beat a belly-full of food and some MST3K.

"Sir, allow me to kiss you." (7/10)

mst d. Jim Mallon (23 Nov 1995)

MST3K (TD94)

Turkey Day '94 - This year's selection of intra-episode bumpers were impeccably hosted by Adam West. His smooth voice and precise intonation eased each episode onto the screen. If you're not going to have real bumpers made by the cast of MST3K, Adam West ain't a bad substitute at all (sorry, Debbie Tobin).

Also adding to the fun were a trio of guest stars. Robert Vaughn, Beverly Garland and Mamie Van Doren all drop by to introduce the MSTied movies they starred in. Great idea. It would've been even better had these guests dropped by the Satellite of Love and chatted with Mike and the bots. Still, Adam West's rapport with his guests was fun. His pair of segments with Mamie was especially nice, with Mamie looking much younger than her then-63 years and still speaking in '50s slang.

What's with the conspicuous product placement? Many of the bumpers begin with a close-up of a not-so-tastefully arranged array of items normally confined to commercials. There's a package of AA Duracell® batteries, a baseball cap with Footaction USA® printed on it, a Gold MasterCard® and some unidentifiable brand of milk. Bad form, Comedy Central. Not only were you too cheap to pay BBI to make real bumpers, you had to make a few nickels by letting the ads leak into the show.

Another solid selection of episodes for this years marathon, even if they did cut it down by 4 hours compared to last year:

23 Nov 1994
20:00 615 - Kitten with a Whip
22:00 512 - Mitchell
24 Nov 1994
00:00 402 - The Giant Gila Monster
02:00 407 - The Killer Shrews
04:00 422 - The Day the Earth Froze
06:00 306 - Time of the Apes
08:00 321 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
10:00 315 - Teenage Cave Man
12:00 311 - It Conquered the World
14:00 503 - Swamp Diamonds
16:00 511 - Gunslinger
18:00 601 - Girls Town
20:00 316 - Gamera vs Zigra
22:00 604 - Zombie Nightmare

This is probably the best Turkey Day you can have without the actual cast of the show. The lack of the MST3K folks is a pretty big flaw and the product placement doesn't help at all. Adam West made the pain easier to handle. Thank you, Batman.

"Ah, cool it, Turkeyman." (6/10)

cc d. ?? (23-24 Nov 1994)

MST3K (TD93)

Turkey Day '93 - I'm sure the fans that got to go to Debbie Tobin's MST3K costume soirée thirteen years ago had a lot of fun. For them, it was the premiere of Mike's first episode. That must've been interesting: watching that controversial show with a group of fans so dedicated that they made their own costumes and flocked hundreds of miles to this thing. For those of us not in on the fun, however, this is a disappointing Turkey Day. The knowledge that we could've had more segments from the Brains if Comedy Central hadn't been so cheap sort of dampens any goodwill I might've had for this year's offering.

I think that the lineup of episodes is my favorite of all six of the Turkey Days. I'm not a big fan of Crash of Moons or Fugitive Alien II, but all of the other episodes are solidly humorous.

24 Nov 1993
18:00 505 - The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
20:00 423 - Bride of the Monster
22:00 424 - Manos: The Hands of Fate
25 Nov 1993
00:00 422 - The Day the Earth Froze
02:00 318 - Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
04:00 308 - Gamera vs Gaos
06:00 313 - Earth vs the Spider
08:00 319 - War of the Colossal Beast
10:00 507 - I Accuse My Parents
12:00 417 - Crash of Moons
14:00 412 - Hercules and the Captive Women
16:00 420 - The Human Duplicators
18:00 512 - Mitchell
20:00 513 - The Brain That Wouln't Die
22:00 517 - Beginning of the End
23:59 514 - Teen-Age Strangler

Comedy Central also filmed bumpers with the fans for more episodes than those above. It seems like they didn't finalize the marathon lineup until the very last minute. Other potential candidates were 401 - Space Travelers, 402 - The Giant Gila Monster, 403 - City Limits and 405 - Being from Another Planet.

Even though the bumpers for this Turkey Day aren't my favorite, it was fun to watch them on the actual, for-real Turkey Day. I don't think the other people in the house really understood why I was watching these episode intros filled with be-costumed geeks, but they were busy making food and working on a bathroom addition to notice much.

Is it wrong to find the female Joel at the costume party attractive?

"Joel appears to me to be fairly sleepy. Um, he's funny, but he's just got that Garfield, half-eyed look, whereas Mike seems to be more energetic. I expect to see a lot of energy and humor coming out from Mike." (5/10)

cc d. ?? (24-25 Nov 1993)

[watched at Brother-in-Law's house using an Xbox and an HD LCD TV (not that this helped this DVD conversion of hazy, second-generation VHS)]

MST3K (TD92)

Turkey Day '92 - A little disappointing compared to last year's Turkey Day. There was only about half as much content this year and many of the bumpers were recycled. The premise wasn't quite as fun, either. Last year, Dr. F tried to take over the world using his MST3K marathon while Frank hosted a Thanksgiving dinner for friends. The variety that the influx of guests brought is gone this year, replaced with Dr. F force-feeding Frank a turkey for each movie. It's a one-note joke that gets repeating 15 times in a row. Still, I always find Frank's not quite convincing screams of "nooooo!" funny, as well as most anything else he does. We get to see Frank more in these annual Turkey Days than were do in an entire season of host segments.

The movie selection for this year was great. Rock climbing, a Martian Christmas, songs about giant turtles, songs about Kim Cattrall, and Lee Van Cleef in pajamas make for some good times. The only dud here is the ultra-boring The Unearthly. However, we do get two -- count 'em -- two premiere episodes for the holiday, book-ending the marathon.

25 Nov 1992
18:00 415 - The Beatniks
20:00 322 - Master Ninja I
22:00 401 - Space Travelers
26 Nov 1992
00:00 208 - Lost Continent
02:00 403 - City Limits
04:00 317 - The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent
06:00 402 - The Giant Gila Monster
08:00 210 - King Dinosaur
10:00 321 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
12:00 411 - The Magic Sword
14:00 404 - Teenagers from Outer Space
16:00 408 - Hercules Unchained
18:00 320 - The Unearthly
20:00 312 - Gamera vs Guiron
22:00 416 - Fire Maidens of Outer Space
23:59 This Is MST3K

To celebrate this pseudo-holiday, I ordered myself a pizza from a non-special joint just the way I like it: green olives only. Odd? Probably. But, tastey to me. That tided me over during 415. Before spinning 416, I had to make myself a little dessert using these ingredients:

Yes, I mixed myself up an honest-to-God Killer Shrew. Thanks to Servo and Crow's recipe from 407, I was able to include a for-real MST3K mixed drink in my celebration. As you can see, I was forced to make a few minor substitutions. Coke no longer makes Mr Pibb, so I replaced that with Dr Pepper. This suits me fine, as I'm a DP man, myself. As it is not Easter season, the Marshmallow Peeps chicks were swapped for ghosts. It's Halloweentime, so this is perfectly acceptable. Throwing all of this stuff into a blender using the proportions recommended looked like this:

For fear of choking on a whole Sweet Tart, I blended the mixture much better than Joel did on the show. I gave it a nice, long mix on both "grind" and "puree." When I was satisfied, I dumped it into a glass and garnished with a gummy bat (a wind-up shrew didn't sound very edible):

The photo on the left is what I had in front of me before 416 started. The right-hand picture shows the results ninety minutes later. I think I did quite a good job. I really wanted to "Fear Factor" it, but the lack of a $50000 reward left me with little motivation to put that much processed sugar into my body all at once. I was proud to get half of it down.

What was this magnificently brown sludge like? It tastes pretty much like Mrs. Butterworth's syrup with Cap'n Crunch in it. This is to say, terrible. The flavor of the M&M's, circus peanuts, ice cream, frosting, Good & Plenty, and even the Dr Pepper just disappeared in to nowhereville. The Peeps contributed by giving the whole thing the consistency of mashed potatoes. The sludge also reeked like a dumpster in the alley next to an IHOP, which required a holding of the nose in order to swallow it down. Sorry Joel, Crow and Servo, I just don't see this showing up at the local bars anytime soon.

"Gene Hackman, we're really sorry." (7/10)

mst d. ?? (25-26 Nov 1992)

MST3K (TD91)

Turkey Day '91 - Ah, comforting Turkey Day. For this pseudo-Thanksgiving, I ordered myself some chicken tacos, nachos and award-winning no. 4 salsa, and washed it down with a couple of beers. While it's not exactly Grandma's mashed potatoes and turkey, it was all good.

MST3K's very first special is, appropriately enough, a celebration of the holiday they premiered on. It was also a brilliant idea. A day off from work spent lounging around the house with a belly full of good food, laughing with your family over a seemingly endless supply of bot-produced comedy. Good, clean fun. I am not at all surprised that the tradition continues to this day.

My favorite bit is Dr. F, unseen to us, remote-exploding the Underdog balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. This balloon happens to be Frank's favorite and its fiery demise causes him to break into Frank-style hysterics as the carnage unfolds. Consoles Dr. F.: "He must die so we may live."

Though it doesn’t premiere for another year, they must have shot the documentary This is MST3K around this time. The three "Making Of" segments look to be from the same footage. I wonder why they sat on it for so long after this?

My one complaint is about the guests. Plant Guy from 309 -- sorry Kevin -- is just lame. Gerry and Sylvia don't have anything to say or do. There is only Jack Perkins to brighten up the party. It's not really BBI's fault. They hadn't created very many non-Mike guest characters at this point. It's too bad 319 didn't air earlier. We could've had sexy Mr. B. join the fun this year.

The line-up for the marathon was pretty solid. Personally, I probably would've swapped out 206, 203, and 202 for other selections. Robot Holocaust would've been nice. I'm surprised one of the Gamera movies didn't make the cut, either.

28 Nov 1991
00:00 206 - Ring of Terror
02:00 301 - Cave Dwellers
04:00 203 - Jungle Goddess
06:00 202 - The Side Hackers
08:00 201 - Rocketship X-M
10:00 205 - Rocket Attack U.S.A.
12:00 306 - Time of the Apes
14:00 207 - Wild Rebels
16:00 309 - The Amazing Colossal Man
18:00 213 - Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
20:00 303 - Pod People
22:00 310 - Fugitive Alien
29 Nov 1991
00:00 204 - Catalina Caper
02:00 307 - Daddy-O
04:00 311 - It Conquered the World

"These are Potato Buds. This is a turkey baster. Be careful." (8/10)

mst d. ?? (28-29 Nov 1991)